"And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days"
-- Goo Goo Dolls
So by now, you've probably heard about the major problems that came to light over the past few days about a pretty well-known blogger. Anyone for whom this is important probably isn't hearing this first from me, and anyone who hasn't heard yet can probably find out by making use of Google, so I'm not going to name names here. I thought for a long time about whether or not I was going to say anything -- and about what I would say if I did.
You may remember that I recently shared my struggles with Generalized Anxiety Disorder here. As someone who has struggled with a mental disorder all of her life and has only in the past few years begun actively seeking help, I truly understand how difficult it can be to recognize that you have a problem you can't solve on your own. My own problem fortunately didn't have the widespread consequences of hurting as many others as the problem currently up for discussion, but I know that my illness has caused me to hurt people in the past, and on a smaller scale I do understand the difficulty and pain that causes. What I also know is that the first step to getting your life back is recognizing that you have a problem. I truly do hope that this blogger can get to a place where she can have the hard realizations that I had about myself and my illness because that is the place where healing can begin.
It isn't weakness to admit that you need help. It takes incredible strength to ask for help and incredible self-awareness to recognize that you can't do this on your own, especially when you're like me and part of your illness precludes you from doing the very thing that will help you. I'm happy to say that things have gotten better for me, and I hope that my openness here can help this blogger in some small way come to terms with what is happening in her life and begin a new pattern of honesty with herself and others. I personally was lucky enough not to be involved in the behavior that others have described with this blogger, and my interactions with her up until this incident have been nothing but lovely, but I also know that my experience is not others' experience, and my heart goes out to those who have lost money, time and trust. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't feeling a little bit betrayed now, myself, but I know that I'm lucky not to be affected and, moreover, I'm lucky not to be dealing with the issues this blogger is currently dealing with. I support justice for those who have been harmed by her behavior and consequences for her actions that have hurt others, but I also hope for healing and forgiveness in her future as one who knows firsthand how mental illness can rule your life no matter how much you don't want it to. I hope we can all (even the blogger in question) move forward from this situation a little wiser and a little stronger.
I do also want to talk a little about budgeting and responsible shopping, but I would like to leave that for its own post. I hope this post has been "kind and clear" and that I've expressed myself accurately and in a way that isn't hurtful to those affected, from readers to the blogger herself. On a final note, I know there has been some fear and distrust going around (and rightfully so) for other bloggers in light of this event, and for what it's worth, though I know it may not mean much, I have represented myself here as accurately and honestly as I can. I'm a real person, and I like to think a trustworthy one, and I hope in time we can all begin to trust each other again and find "better days."