Thursday, September 15, 2011

The elephant in the room: "Tonight's the night the world begins again"

"And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days"

-- Goo Goo Dolls

So by now, you've probably heard about the major problems that came to light over the past few days about a pretty well-known blogger. Anyone for whom this is important probably isn't hearing this first from me, and anyone who hasn't heard yet can probably find out by making use of Google, so I'm not going to name names here. I thought for a long time about whether or not I was going to say anything -- and about what I would say if I did.

You may remember that I recently shared my struggles with Generalized Anxiety Disorder here. As someone who has struggled with a mental disorder all of her life and has only in the past few years begun actively seeking help, I truly understand how difficult it can be to recognize that you have a problem you can't solve on your own. My own problem fortunately didn't have the widespread consequences of hurting as many others as the problem currently up for discussion, but I know that my illness has caused me to hurt people in the past, and on a smaller scale I do understand the difficulty and pain that causes. What I also know is that the first step to getting your life back is recognizing that you have a problem. I truly do hope that this blogger can get to a place where she can have the hard realizations that I had about myself and my illness because that is the place where healing can begin.

It isn't weakness to admit that you need help. It takes incredible strength to ask for help and incredible self-awareness to recognize that you can't do this on your own, especially when you're like me and part of your illness precludes you from doing the very thing that will help you. I'm happy to say that things have gotten better for me, and I hope that my openness here can help this blogger in some small way come to terms with what is happening in her life and begin a new pattern of honesty with herself and others. I personally was lucky enough not to be involved in the behavior that others have described with this blogger, and my interactions with her up until this incident have been nothing but lovely, but I also know that my experience is not others' experience, and my heart goes out to those who have lost money, time and trust. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't feeling a little bit betrayed now, myself, but I know that I'm lucky not to be affected and, moreover, I'm lucky not to be dealing with the issues this blogger is currently dealing with. I support justice for those who have been harmed by her behavior and consequences for her actions that have hurt others, but I also hope for healing and forgiveness in her future as one who knows firsthand how mental illness can rule your life no matter how much you don't want it to. I hope we can all (even the blogger in question) move forward from this situation a little wiser and a little stronger.

I do also want to talk a little about budgeting and responsible shopping, but I would like to leave that for its own post. I hope this post has been "kind and clear" and that I've expressed myself accurately and in a way that isn't hurtful to those affected, from readers to the blogger herself. On a final note, I know there has been some fear and distrust going around (and rightfully so) for other bloggers in light of this event, and for what it's worth, though I know it may not mean much, I have represented myself here as accurately and honestly as I can. I'm a real person, and I like to think a trustworthy one, and I hope in time we can all begin to trust each other again and find "better days."


  1. Well said Katie! It is the trust thing that is so bothersome to me. I know "they" say you can't trust anyone you meet on the internet, but I know that is not true. I met my husband through the internet and some really great people too. I know people will move on, and it really bites for those that were effected by these actions. It makes you feel sad and kind of hollow inside. Thank you for sharing your story. On a positive note, you look adorable today, and your hair looks fantastic.

  2. The whole thing was craxy to read about! I was SHOCKED! Kudos to you for taking charge of what you could do to help yourself with what you were dealing with, and I truly hope she can do the same. On a lighter note, love your cute outfit! =)

  3. I'm so glad you chose to talk about this. I've been dealing with anxiety and depression since I was 12 and reading through people's comments yesterday all I could think was "This isn't someone just out to take people's money, there's something bigger going on here". I hope that she does get help because the biggest thing that scared me when reading accounts of what happened to some girls was the level of denial on her part. I think it's important for people to know that mental illnesses aren't always as scary as they sound but they are extremely important to recognize and seek help for.

  4. Kind and clear indeed!You have some great points about how everyone can learn a lesson from this situation and hopefully move forward, your openness about your own struggles sets a great example, it is always ok to admit we are struggling or need help and talking about what challenges us can often help us overcome it. I agree with you and hope that everyone can move forward from all of this, it makes me so sad to see that this blog community that I was so excited to finally become a part of is in so much turmoil.

  5. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this. While reading your post, I kept thinking, "there but for the grace of G-d go I...". Sometimes it helps to remember that it's not always a huge chasm that separates us from others, no matter how foreign or deplorable those actions may seem.